Yes, I filter...and I am working on it!

All right, I probably need to explain that title! I was talking to my sister yesterday (she doesn't blog so she missed that last post!) and I told her how I really was feeling and she got mad at me. She asked me if I "filter" when I talk to her. I thought this was a pretty good term for not completely opening up and letting it all out. I had to laugh at that! Yes, I do filter and sometimes a lot. Except in that last post, if anyone missed that! lol She told me that I am never allowed to filter to her and I loved that!! Made me laugh pretty hard! Anyway, I have more friends than I thought and I mean real friends that care whether my heart is breaking and my spirit crumbling. That was a bit eye opening for me. So today, I am not ready to scream/cry or otherwise freak out! Thanks to my friends for being ready and willing to help me be strong for a little bit longer! I need you more than I thought! Today will be a good day!

Gimme a break!

K- some of you may know that I don't like to post when I am feeling like a "negative nancy" but today it's just too raw and I don't know where to turn with it, so here it is! I am feeling so down right now. Bryan just got turned down for another job. This one was a good one with a lot of potential. We were optimistic about it, just like the last hundred or so! He has been on so many interviews and they all say how impressive his crendentials are or you were a strong candidate or whatever bs they say to let you down easy. I am so sick of it. We have been dealing with this for a YEAR now and it feels like it is never going to get any better! I am so close to tears that I can't even see the keyboard. So, I am tired of it all and don't think I even have it in me to pretend anymore. I try to stay positive for Bryan and the kids, but I am done. I need some help here cause I am done. I got nothing left! I know that my problems may not seem like much to some, but to me it feels like a mountain that I can never climb no matter how hard I try. I feel so alone in all this and that must be what hurts the most. I don't know why He has left me and I don't know what He wants me to learn/grow/whatever. I am done.

Skin cancer, migraines, superbowl and regionals!

Hey everybody! I just got back from the dermatologists office and it looks like the ugly zit looking thing on my forehead is probably basal cell carcinoma, which if I have skin cancer is the best kind to have. I had to wait an hour and a half to see the doctor (which had me really annoyed!!) and then she gave me shots to numb it up. Those hurt so bad! I wonder if it would have been better not to numb it at all! Then she cut the top layer off, cauterized it (gross!!) and sent it off to the lab. She then puts a bright blue bandaid with soccer balls on it! Seriously?!? Am I a child? This is on my forehead! I looked so ridiculous! I will hear definitive results in abt 2 weeks, but she said she is pretty sure that that's what it is. Anyway, if it is basal cell, then I will be scheduled for surgery to have it completely removed and that should be about it. If it isn't basal cell, then it is just an ugly growth and now I will have an ugly scar to replace it with! Lovely! Anyway, that's about it where that is concerned.

Yesterday was an interesting Sunday. I was preparing my singing time when I felt like I should get another back up sharing time ready in case a lot of kids were missing due to the superbowl or something. I was going to teach the song "How Firm A Foundation" and had everything prepared when I decided to also make a name that tune jar that can be used at anytime if needed. Right before church (which starts at 3) I was getting the beginnings of a migraine and only had the nasal spray, which is so gross and makes me nauseated and gag for about 30 min after I take it. I was fasting still and didn't want to end it early cause we need the blessing we are fasting for so badly! Anyway, I tried to make it through church and right before junior singing time my migraine hits fast and furiously. Of course! I am now sick and can no longer think straight. I knew there was no way I could teach a new song so I ditched my foundation song and just did name that tune. I don't have to try to connect any serious thoughts with that one and muddled through it. I was pale and shaky and dealing with the medication but managed to finish senior singing time also. I still managed to have a good time with the kids and by the time I got home, the meds were working and I was almost back to normal. Then we headed to Gerry's to watch the superbowl.

K, I am bummed about the superbowl. We got together with my father in law for his birthday, which is actually today (Happy Birthday!) and had dinner with my sil and her family, Kirk and my mil Eva. It was mostly fun (esp. Leslie's baby, Luke. That kid is adorable!). The only part that I didn't like was watching the superbowl in two different rooms. They were watching it live and we were watching it recorded cause we don't get out of church until 6. We could hear their cheering and screaming so we pretty much knew what was going to happen. That kinda sucked, but we still had a good time. They are fun to be around. After we finally finished the game and we were just a bit bummed by the results, Jonathan got the results of his violin audition for a High School Regional Orchersta competition. He made it!! There were a lot of kids who auditioned and he made it! We were so excited! He wanted to make it for his Grandma Hooper. I thought that was sweet. He totally respects her and is grateful that she has helped him develop this talent. The regional performance will be on Feb 20-21 I believe at Westwood High School if anyone is interested in attending. We are definitely going! I don't know if there is a cost involved. I imagine there will be a small ticket price, but will let you know it there is. Anyway, I hope everyone's week goes well! Cya!

A Little Princess and other not so late night goodies!

It has been really hard for me to want to blog because I haven't felt like there is anything to say that is positive. Now I realize that sounds really melodramatic, but the truth hurts. Sometimes a lot. However, right now I am feeling pretty good and wanted to post some fun that our family had. On Friday night I went to the store while Bryan was doing his Domino's shift. While there I found my favorite version of "A Little Princess" on DVD for a great price! Woo hoo! $7.50 for it and "The Secret Garden" combo. While The Secret Garden is cute, I looove A Little Princess.

Such a fun movie! Anyway, I come back from the store and intend to watch is with my girls and was pleasantly surprised when my boys (Jonathan included) wanted to watch it with us. We had such a great time! We were laughing so hard (esp. when Becky screams in an effort to distract the evil Ms. Minchin!!). It was so fun to be together and laugh! I also cried during this movie. I always cry during this movie! How can you not!?! Little Sarah is such a great actress and is so believable, that it is so much fun to let this movie take you to another time and place. My kids were kinda shocked to see that Becky, as a servant, would not be allowed to talk to the other girls. They never thought people would treat someone that way. We have come a long way in equality, that's for sure! Anyway- if you have seen this movie, then you know why I love it and if not, go get it and watch it with your family!

Another funny bit, last night we started to watch the 2 hr season premier of Bones and the kids (not including Jon) started watching The Secret Garden. We started them abt 8:30pm and by 9:00 Alex was sound asleep. By 9:15 or so I was fighting sleep and missed most of the show. By 9:30 the rest of the kids were asleep and Jon followed by about 10. Bryan thought this was pretty funny and just let us all sleep where we had fallen till about 10:45 when he woke us all up and sent us all off to bed! Kinda funny that he had to wake up everyone and get us off to bed! Anyone who knows me pretty well will not be to surprised by that! I am so not a late owl! It had been such a busy day! Primary activity in the morning (Rocket balloons like crazy in my portion of the activity!) and then Connor's bday in the afternoon. They were both really fun and I will have to post pics and details of the party later. My fingers hurt! Have a good one!

The Biggest Loser!!

Ok, I went out today and made a committment. I bought the Biggest Loser Workout DVD. I bought both the boot camp and the fat burning yoga DVD. Now you must understand the lenghts I went to get these. I wanted to start today, so I took the boys I babysit to the library, and that is an adventure in itself, and then we stopped at Target on the way home. I had 2 boys in the front seats and 2 boys in the actual cart and we shopped for workout DVDs. They were really good, the only hard part was that Hayden wanted to sit in one of the seats and I had already put Ashton and Alex in them. So he was sad for a few minutes. Anyway, they were rewarded with Sour Patch Kids and I was rewarded with a workout during naptime!

I started with the yoga workout. I didn't think it would be very intense and since this was my first workout in many months, that is what I was going for. Yeah right!! This kicked my butt! It gives you the option of 5 levels. First is the warmup, then level 1, level 2, level 3 and a cooldown. And I only chose the warmup, lvl 1, and a cooldown. I really enjoyed it, but I still had to cheat on several moves. But afterward, I felt energized and like I had really used my whole body. Honestly, this was the best I had felt in a long time!! So, tomorrow I am gonna try the boot camp version. As intense as the yoga one was, I am worried the boot camp one will kick my butt and leave me feeling wiped out. I will let you know!

I took my measurements and weighed myself before I started (NO! I am not posting these numbers!!) and will track my progress weekly and will hopefully see some shrinkage!! I am going to see if I can get Bryan to do these videos and /or walking in the evenings. We both need to shrink in order to stick around to run with our grandkids one day! That and I am tired of wearing my fat pants. I want to fit in my skinny jeans! Anyway, wish me luck!! I will keep you all posted! If anyone wants to join me, let me know. I would love a partner in all this!

Grandmas and Air Hockey

Last night my mom brought dinner over to our house. It was so nice because we don't get home from church until abt 6:15 or so and to have dinner already made and the mess at someone else's house was even better! She brought my grandma over also, my dad had to go to a meeting, so it was just my family and my mom and grandma. We had a great time and then the kids started playing air hockey with my mom. Kaitlyn easily beat her but then my grandma wanted to play. There was something so funny and cute about watching your 87 year old, sweet grandma paly that game! We also played Skipbo, which is one of my grandma's favorite games. She was ruthless! It was so funny!! Bryan's turn was after hers and it was hilarious cause she would not cut him any slack! She said she doesn't take prisoners in Skipbo! Now, if you new my gentle and sweet grandma, you would see how funny this was! It kept frustrating Bryan cause she would intentionally prevent his moves over and over! Anyway, it was a fun night!

Post-holiday blues, or lack thereof!

Usually at this time of year I start to get a little depressed. All the fun is over and we have to go back to "real life". So far, I am not bummed out at all! I have been working hard these last few days just cleaning and organizing and such. We took a huge load to DI and I cleaned out the girls room and got all the Christmas stuff put away. That usually leaves me feeling a bit depressed. But, I am just enjoying the clean feeling. There is not a whole lot to look forward to when the holidays are over. Maybe we have had so much fun the last week that it hasn't started to sink in yet. We have had lots of game/movie nights and even a snowball fight (thx Smithson clan!)! It has been a lot of fun and tomorrow the routine will set in again. I guess I am ready to get back to normal cause that is not causing me to want to cry! Yeah for that! Bryan, on the other hand, is so not looking forward to going back to work. Sorry, babe! At least my work keeps me in my own home and while I may be completely surrounded by kids all of the time, I actually enjoy them all. I am lucky there!

I am also enjoying our new surround sound home entertainment system. We have had a lot of things break on us in the last week. Our computer and/or monitor went out and out old dvd/sound system went out. So we used our Christmas gift from Bryan's dad and bought a new one. This one we actually set up as surround and it sounds awesome! It has an ipod dock attached and so I can crank up my music as I am cleaning the house. Love that! You can hear it through the whole house. Which is sometimes good and sometimes not! Anyway, it has been fun playing with a new toy. We haven't had many new things for a while so we are having fun with it!

Anyway, here is to everyone being able to get past the post holiday blues and on with life!