I just don't feel like pretending.

I was reading others blogs today and I thought I would post something, but I just don't feel like pretending that everything is great and I don't want to be overly dark today either. I am somewhere in between. Does anyone ever feel like this? That you know things could be worse and they are pretty bad right now, but you know it could be worse. I know that there will be a time that everything will be good again, or at least good enough to not freak out in my head anymore. I just don't know how much longer I will have to wait for that time. Maybe that is my problem, I am waiting. I just realized that is exactly my problem. I can't wait for my life to get better. Even though it hurts, sometimes a lot- like today, I still have a family that needs me. When I wait, I get so little accomplished and I am just passing the time of my day. I am not enjoying the little pieces of it, the funny moments or the sound of the birds, or the rain clouds blocking the hot sun. I did take Alex to the park yesterday morning, and I really enjoyed getting out with him. But when we got home, I didn't do much of anything except worry and stress out. That needs to stop. Maybe I will scrapbook some today. I like doing that and Alex can work at the table with me and create a masterpiece of his own.

So, I will try really hard to stop feeling sorry for myself, at least for today. and maybe tomorrow too!