Wednesday, April 21, 2010

I guess it's how you look at things...

I think this may be the lesson I am trying to learn right now. It's how you look at things and whether or not you can find the good in the bad, the happy in the sad, and the peace among the difficulties of the world. This past week has been an emotional one for me. It started off with a week ago Sunday, we were going to look at the house for rent next door. We felt strongly that we wanted to stay in the ward and schools for our children but this area is hard to find homes in that meet our needs. The home next door is not very big but it was in our budget so we were willing to try to make it work. The realtor who showed it to us was very kind and was telling us about another house that she was going to be listing the next morning that was also in our ward/school area. The problem was this house was significantly over our budget so we thanked her but refused. We told her what our budget was and she agreed that it would be difficult to find in this area. She then called me first thing the next morning and told me that the other house she was renting needed work and if we were willing to do it that she would be able to rent it to us for the price we could afford. We went to look at it right away and we agreed almost immediately to the plans. Everything has fallen into place for this house. I know this is where we are supposed to be, however it is so much more difficult than I thought it would be. So much work, stress, frustration and worry! There are really stubborn pet odors. This is my main problem. I worry about getting them out! Other than that, everything else is cosmetic. We will do the landscaping, minor wall patching and trim work and painting. There will be new carpet that I get to pick out (squeal of joy!!) and we don't have to pay for!! But those pet odors are my main concern. The odors are getting a little better already and I have to have faith that we made the right decision and that it will all work out in the end. This home has more than enough room for our family and a pool, when it is finished it will be a really nice place. We have also negotiated a good rental agreement with the option to buy in a few years. Hopefully we have things together enough to do so!

I am trying to look at the bigger picture, the end result will be great. Right now, it's a smelly, dirty job. But if I look at it the right way, I know this is where the Lord wants us. I have a sweet, supportive husband. I have strong, fun children who I can work with and laugh with. I have good friends helping us along the way. I have supportive family who builds me up when I think I am done for. I have a ward who is willing to help and I know I can call and they will come. I am blessed in many ways.

Another area, Jonathan has had it a bit rough in the last couple of days. He had reconstruction surgery on his ACL last week. He is doing really well now. The first couple of days were very tough on him physically and emotionally but he pulled through great. I am thankful that he has good friends to help cheer him up and keep him going. Yesterday was his first day back at school. He was going to use a wheelchair and then decided that it would draw too much attention to himself so he wanted to use the crutches, against better advice. That lasted for one hour. I was quickly back in the car bringing him the wheelchair! After that, he was doing pretty good. At the end of the day, I went to pick him up and his leg was swollen and he was really sore. He wheeled himself up to the passenger door and put his violin case behind the front tire. (you can see where I am going with this, huh). He put his backpack in the car and then climbed in. I assumed he would put the violin in as well. In his mind, he thought he asked me to put it in. I was busy putting the wheelchair in the back of the suburban and figured we were all set so I get in the car and start to back up. The car makes this shuddering and I though my transmission was giving out or something so I pull back forward and it seems fine. I get out of the car to check and when I see the violin case, I could have just dropped right then and there. I did not want to show that to Jonathan. When he saw me pull that case out from under the car his face just crumpled and he turned away in absolute devastation. I will never forget that look. Ever.

I could only think how difficult this past week has been for him and whenever life is hard, he takes refuge in the violin. He loves to play and he makes the most beautiful music. Our home is always filled with music and I was so afraid and horrified that I may have killed the violin! His most beloved thing!

There is a good side of this though, like I said, I guess it's how you look at things. The violin broke at the base of the scroll and it appears that that is the only place it broke. Had the case been placed the other way, it would have been a complete disaster and I would have crushed the body. Jonathan feels like the violin has been protected before, he once had the feeling to move the violin when he had taken it to play in seminary. He had it sitting out of the way but not in its case and had he not moved it, it would have been crushed by a piano seat moments later. And now he feels that it was protected again, so I am going with his feelings on this one. I am grateful that it was not so much worse. It could have been totalled!

I feel as though this is a recurring theme in my life, that I am always walking through difficulties and I must try to find the joy in the journey. It is not always easy but I am trying. Sometimes it is really hard and some days I do not do very well, but I know the Lord leads me and guides me and my family. We are in His hands. With this knowledge, I can survive all things.