It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

Christmas has come to our house! I love this time of year when we can pull out all of the Christmas decorations and transform our house from the everyday to that wonderful holiday feeling home. We have a great time decorating and we always decorate together. I don't remember being able to help decorate the tree when I was little, my mom always wanted the perfect tree. So, here we do the opposite! lol Bryan sets up the tree and puts the star on the top and then me, Bry and Jon do the lights. After the lights come the gumdrop strands. Which I love! The youngest kid always thinks they are real candy every time we pull them out. Makes me laugh every time! Once those things are done, then it's free reign for the kids to put on the decorations. We have so many decorations that mean something to us that it is so much fun to decorate and remember when that ornament was made or purchased. For a long time we bought a new one every year and have the year written on them. We haven't bought one this year, but have for every other year. I will have to get on that! Bryan and I were married on Dec 18 and a smart lady in my ward who was helping with my Bridal Shower asked that the guests put an ornament on top of the presents instead of a bow. So I have so many fun ornaments from that shower that remind me of our wedding. My favorites being a handmade Bride and Groom. The bride and groom are not the prettiest ornaments, but they are a lot of fun! We also have an ornament for the first Christmas of each child's life and they love being able to put their own ornaments on the tree. It is a happy tradition that I hope will continue always!

I love the enthusiasm that the kids have for Christmas. Alex keeps saying he is "so excited for Christmas!" Their bright eyes are full of anticipation and I love that about them. I love that my four youngest kids still fully believe in Santa (and the easter bunny, toothfairy, etc!). It kinda cracks me up, really. Some of these kids are getting a little old and I am glad they are still innocent! Too many things in life try to take away from that.

This Christmas feels so much different from last year. We didn't have a lot of good things happening last year and it was hard going through the holidays and trying to find happiness. But we tried and put together the best Christmas we could for our children with the help of kind family members and a wonderful ward. This year feels so much better! Bryan and I both talked about how this year we have hope. Hope that life is getting better and that we have a chance to break free from the problems that have plagued us in the past two years. Much of that is due to his new job. He enjoys what he is doing and learning and it's fun to see him come home happy from work. That is a switch!! He has generous bosses and they are good to both of us. And if the company does well, there will be raises in the future that will eventually allow us to breathe again. All I ask for is to be able to breathe again! Surely that is not too much to ask for, right? Having this new job has changed our outlook and we are so enjoying the start of the Christmas season. It will probably be a small Christmas again, but that is ok! I will take hope in the future over stuff any day!!

We still have to set up the lights and stuff outside but that will have to wait till Monday night. Poor Bryan has to do most of that alone as I am still supposed to be off my foot and now Jonathan has ripped a tendon and has a sprained ankle. :( Poor kid! He is bummed out about that right now. He has no idea how he will be able to handle school with crutches and a violin. On top of that, he has baseball tryouts going on right now. I know that it is hard for him to miss out on all of that and I know he is frustrated when we are decorating and he just watches. He did have some fun this weekend when he was asked to Winter Formal by a cute, fun girl in the stake. With the help of Tyrel and Kimberly (Kimbo!!) and us, he answered her back by sending her on a scavenger hunt ending with a pair of mittens and a ice chest full of snowballs. Inside the snowballs were letters she had to unscramble to find her answer. It was yes, of course! Anyway, should be something fun for him to look forward to. Hopefully he will be off of the crutches by then!

I am going to make me a cup of apple cider and enjoy the rest of this cool, rainy weather! Good night!!

Primary Program

Yesterday was our Primary program. It is much later in the year than in other stakes I have been in, but it just gave me more time to teach the kiddos the songs! They did so well, I was so proud of them. With my mother in law Eva's help with some song arrangements, the music was beautiful! We had violin and flute duets on a few of the songs and they added so much to those songs. It touched me several times and I had to push the emotion away and focus or I would lose my place in the music! lol Music has always been an easy way for me to feel the Spirit and to help strengthen my testimony. I love a beautiful song, sung sweetly especially by children with shining faces and smiles. I felt so proud of each one of those sweet kids singing, they did a wonderful job!

My favorite part about being the primary chorister is having the chance to be with my four younger kids every week, but to see their faces and smiles as they were singing yesterday was a sweet moment for me. I am so proud of my children, they are such wonderful people and I am grateful to be their mother. Luv u guys!!

Update on my foot

As many of you have seen, my foot has not healed very well. It turn out that the cyst in my foot ruptured over and over and the fluid inside the cyst was damaging the tissue around it. So the doctor took out more tissue than he had planned. As a result, the blood vessels were to damaged to give a good blood supply to a part of the incision. This led to a lovely dead spot that scabbed over but is healing too slowly. The skin is trying to regenerate coming in from the sides instead of under the scab. There is no heathly skin under the scab. So, the doctor wants to make a larger incision and remove the dead tissue and stitch the healthy stuff back together. Gonna be a super lovely scar there! At least this time it will be a in office procedure and shouldn't be as big of a deal as last time.

This is scheduled for two weeks from now to give my physical therapy a chance to continue to help me regain some movements that were lost from excessive scar tissue building up. I have to say I love going to my physical therapy. I get to go to the office that Jodi Maclay works at and we have a great time laughing and talking the whole time. She says Hi! to all of the Preston warders! The therapy doesn't hurt very much and I can already see the difference it is making. So, thats the latest there.

Everything else seems to be going pretty good. We had the funnest family night last night. We went to the park and just played with all of the kids. We played tag and did underdogs on the swings and just laughed and played! The most fun I have had in a long time. Even Bryan and Jon were running and playing. I am so grateful for a wonderful family. The fun times we have always help hold me up for the rest of it!

Have a good day, everyone!

My feelings...it's long and maybe overdramatic, so only read if you are up for it!

I keep thinking I need to update my blog about my life and not just a birthday post. Sometimes it is hard to want to put anything down for everyone to read, I don't really want to write about the bad stuff. When I look back at some of my journals from the past years, it seems like I only wrote when I was upset. It was an outlet for my frustration. I know that is a healthy outlet but it seemed like I was upset more than I wasn't and that's not how I remember my life. Whenever I think back on the almost 17 years of my life with Bryan and the kids, I hardly think of anything other than the joy of being a wife and mother. Even though it feels like I have been through so many obstacles and sometimes it feels as if my life is just one big obstacle. I don't want to give the impression to others that I am totally negative, because I don't feel as though I am. This past 2 years have been the hardest years of my life. It's as if I am living the life I NEVER wanted to have to deal with.

When I was younger, my family had a lot of instability with my father's construction business and when it finally went under in the late 80's, he changed jobs a lot until he found his footing and started a new business that has supported him ever since. He didn't find this new job until right before I got married. As a result of his first business going under, my family moved a lot when I was a teenager. We had lived in one home for 10 years and when I was in the 9th grade we moved from Mesa to Las Vegas where he got another construction job. I was really happy in Las Vegas and didn't want to move back here when his job ended, but being a kid, I had no choice. So, I moved to Mountain View area in the middle of my 10th grade year. We lived with my grandparents for about a year. My parents were trying to buy my grandparent's house from them, but when my dad lost his job again (this time he was working for my uncle and his company shut down too). My parent's couldn't come up with the mortgage payment for a month and my grandparents asked us to move out.

We had nowhere to go, so my parents rented a 2 bedroom apartment after my junior year. 2 adults and 6 kids in a 2 bedroom apartment. This apartment was in Dobson Ranch, so I changed schools again. I had a very difficult time there. Starting out my Senior year at Dobson was like a nightmare. I never made any friends there, other than my little sister JoAnn's friends being kind to me. Then my dad got another job and we were able to rent a house in my cousins (the Johnsons) ward. This was the middle of my Senior year and back to Mountain View. My cousins (and aunt and uncle, too) were so good to me. It makes me tear up to remember how they made me feel included after feeling so alone. They let me in there circle of friends but with the only cousin my age being a boy (Joel, he was still cool!), it was still hard. We stayed in this house for only 8 months and then had to move again. Thankfully, it was one street over and my parents were able to eventually buy that house and they stayed there for about 10 years. I met Bryan right before we moved for the last time. He was the young adult rep for the ward and I had just graduated from high school. He was just what I needed. Someone to love me with his whole heart, wanting to be with me and needing me as much as I needed him. He is my best match, best friend and my strength. His family opened their arms to me and his mom made me feel wanted in their lives and I will always appreciate her kindness to me. I think they changed my life back then.

That was 17 years ago. I never intended to write so much back story and so much of my soul here. It is hard to put my most painful parts of my life out there, I admit it I am afraid of criticism and even ridicule. But, I feel in order for people to understand why these last 2 years have been so hard for me, I have to explain my life somewhat. Losing Bryan's job and having to move my family from where they were happy was so very hard for me. When Bryan lost his job and we had to move, Jonathan was the same age I was when my family lost everything the first time. I was so afraid of him going through the same things I went through. I did not want my children to go through this and have the same fears I had.

I feel as though I have been searching for stability since I was a child. Bryan's last job, while overall it was good for us, was totally unstable and made me so anxious sometimes that I couldn't handle it. I feel as if I have grown so much over these years and I know that we have gone through this for a reason. I am stronger now than I have ever been. But I still have a long way to go. I am not even close to where I need to be.

That being said, my children are doing so well. So much better than I think they would be if we had never moved. All of my kids have straight A's (except Jon who got 2 B's, but that's ok!). Alex loves his school, Jenna is a smart little cookie and a budding artist. Connor is loving ELP and is so smart, he gets bored in class. Kaitlyn, miss Vice Pres, has so many people who love her and now she is the only student to get straight A's in her class. Her teacher made sure to tell me that! Jonathan has a fantastic group of friends now, they always seem to include him and I know he is grateful for them. I am grateful for them and how they make my son feel. We love this ward. We have felt accepted from the moment we moved in, flaws and all, broke or not, it never seemed to matter here. I feel so blessed to have been led to a place where I know we belong. I am happy here. I just need to work on finding happiness even when I get so overwhelmed that I forget which way is up. This is why I do not blog very much. Overall, I am a happy person. I promise! But when I am happy, I do not have the urge to write, instead I play with kids, cook, sing, go on walks, etc. When I am sad/angry/frustrated, that's when I think to write. Except tonight. I needed to share how I feel tonight. I am proud of my children and how they are coping. They are strong. Stronger than I was, that's for sure. And I wouldn't have it any other way!

Happy 16th Birthday, Jonathan!!

I can't believe how quickly time has gone by. My first child is now 16 and will be driving soon! I would tell you to watch the roads, but he is a pretty good driver so maybe just be a little more cautious when he is out and about! ;)

I am very proud of the young man he has become. He is strong and kind, sweet and funny, handsome and good, loyal and honest. He is a great son, always concerned and caring for his parents feelings. He makes it easy being a parent, rarely questioning what he is asked to do. He is a good brother to his brothers and sisters. He is a great babysitter, always playing with them and making it fun for the kids when we are gone. He is learning so much all the time, right now his passion is his Chevelle and he has already learned so much about cars. He rotated my tires and changed my oil. (Love that!) He also is becoming a really good cook, he is always interested and willing to help make dinner. He is a gifted musician and we love to hear him play the violin. He is one of very few Sophmores to make it into Chamber orchestra and also to make it into the Regional Orchestra.

He is also a very spiritual person. He has a lot of faith and is often sharing the gospel with others. He is never afraid to invite someone to church. He will be a wonderful missionary someday. I can't believe that is 3 short years away!!

I hope you have a wonderful birthday, son!

Jon and Grandma Hooper at his concert

Jon and Grandpa Standage and Grandma Standage

Jon and Grandpa Hooper

Jon and us

Jon's friends from the ward put candy all over the car

and they filled it with balloons and confetti.
More baloons!

It was a fun surprise for him, the only problem was that my car broke last night, so Bryan had to take the Chevelle to work and it required a lot of cleaning before it could be driven! He usually takes Jon to A hour on his way to work, so Jon missed A hour today! Oh well, he will have to consider that a b-day present too!

Have a great day, son!!

Bryan's New Job

Well, it's official, Bryan has a new job. He turned in his notice at US Foodservice on Tuesday. He ig going to work for Offsite Backup Solutions, the company my brother Todd started a few years ago. They offer data storage for individuals and companies so their data is secure even if they have computer problems. (We are going to put our family photos on there because I never want to lose them if my computer crashes. Shameful plug, I know! :)) I don't know if Bryan has a title or anything but it sounds like he will be an office manager. He will help Julie (my sil) with the books and billing and also assist with any support calls and such. I am not positive on the specifics, but he thinks it is something he will really enjoy doing. He said the stuff that Julie does is interesting and while he doesn't know a whole lot about the support side, he thinks he should be able to pick it up quickly.

We are excited about this job because it has the potential for being a great career and not just a job. Something that he will enjoy being a part of instead of just putting in his hours and going home. We have seen this business grow for the last few years and it is even growing during the recession. We hope that it will continue to grow and can be a great career for Bryan. It is a small company but they are still offering benefits. (We have come to love those paid vacations in the last few months and are so glad to still have them!!) It pays more than he is making now and if the business continues to grow (we think it will) there is the possibility of some great raises in the future. We feel like this is the best shot we have at getting back to where we are more comfortable and in a few years to buy a house again. Yay!!

So, we are hopeful and a bit nervous at the same time. Change is so scary! And since they are family, we hope it can be a situation that benefits us and them and not complicate relationships later.

If you want to check them out, here is a link: http://www.offsitebackupsolutions.com/ .

Wish us luck!!

Happy Birthday, Bryan!

Happy Birthday to my wonderful husband, Bryan! You are the perfect partner for me. You are kind, gracious, loving, supportive, funny, sweet. You always put your family ahead of yourself. I know that life has been difficult these past months and because of that, I have come to rely on you and your strength more than ever. You are strong when I am not, you are patient and good. I am a better person because of you. I want you to know how grateful I am for you and I love you! I hope you have a great birthday!

1970What a cute kid! Our boys look so much like you!I love this picture, Dec. 1992Graduation day, 2004. We are so proud of you!You are such a great dad!

Happy Birthday, Bryan! I hope this next year will be better than the last, but if not, you are there to make us laugh anyways!